What Bercow Did

It is now fair to say, without fear of litigation, that poisonous dwarf John Bercow is a nasty piece of work. John Bercow is a serial liar and a serial bully. That is now effectively an established fact, a matter of record. Yet the conclusions of a final appeal board, following a parliamentary standards committee investigation into Bercow’s behaviour, will come as no surprise to most people who saw how John Bercow conducted himself. Personally there is no doubt in my mind that Bercow was a rotten little partisan cuckoo residing right at the very heart of the British political nest. 

For those who are not Brits, or who did not follow British politics closely over the last ten years or so, allow me to explain just who the poisonous dwarf John Bercow is, and the role he played in British politics. From 2009 to 2019, human-rat hybrid John Bercow was the Speaker of the House of Commons. This is an incredibly prestigious and important function within parliament, this particular position is more than merely a type of chairman or moderator, and much more than just a type of schoolmaster quieting down a rowdy classroom when the decibels get too high. The Speaker is the highest authority in the House of Commons; more like a kind of judge. The Speaker not only maintains order, but enjoys significant administrative and procedural functions too. He is the representative of the Commons to the House of Lords and before the monarch themselves. In short, the Speaker is absolutely one of the highest and most key political positions possible to hold within British politics. The office is steeped in centuries of precedent and tradition. Short of being the prime minister or one of the most senior secretaries of state, the Speaker is the most influential and pivotal role that an MP could ever hope to achieve. In a limited sense, within the chamber, the Speaker’s authority is greater than that of the PM or his government. The Speaker can force MPs to stop talking and sit down, he can order them removed entirely, he can silence and censure whomever he wants.

So, as you may have guessed, or are already aware, the Speaker is required to be impartial. Strictly, ferociously, impeccably impartial. The Speaker’s entire position is reliant upon the placeholder behaving with a level of impartiality which is beyond reproach. They must be a fair and even-handed arbiter. Poisonous dwarf John Bercow failed to do that.

Personally I am happy, gleeful even, that the human-rat hybrid John Bercow has got his comeuppance, as a great many people are. What is it precisely that he did to annoy and infuriate so many people? Let's take a look at a brief list of his follies.

Firstly, then, some of the lesser things that serial liar John Bercow could be criticised for, but aren’t entirely fair game to mention. For example, it’s not particularly fair to mention his role in the various MP expenses scandals. I won’t mention that he seems to have fiddled things so as to pay less tax on his multiple homes and spend taxpayers’ money on frivolous things like short taxi rides. That would be petty of me. Likewise, it’s not really fair to mention that Bercow was once on the right-wing of the Conservative Party, and ended up being so far left that, after his term as Speaker, he joined the Labour Party. I might suggest that he never had any real political convictions in the first place, but merely a desire for power and high office and fame, regardless of any actual political compass. No, that would be cheap of me to suggest that. It’s not necessary for me to mention that he supported and backed one of the most disgusting MP’s ever to have entered that place, disgraced Keith Vaz, right up until the moment Vaz was forced to retire. I certainly won’t mention his embarrassment of a wife and all the times she humiliated him and his office. I won’t even mention that he himself looks like the result of a goblin having forced itself on a hobbit. That would be empty ad hominem. Far be it from me to suggest he looks like some manner of bloated hellish imp wearing the skinsuit of an Englishman, doing a well-rehearsed impression of an Englishman. That would be beneath me to mention such a thing.

On then to the allegations of bullying and lying against Bercow outlined in the parliamentary standards committee report and the independent appeal board who reviewed their findings. They found that poisonous dwarf John Bercow was guilty of twenty-one different acts of misconduct. He was rude and threatening to many around him. Those included extremely eminent and highly respected people. People whose character and reputation are practically beyond question. People like David Leakey or the Lord Robert Lisvane. These are long-standing, tried and tested public servants whose characters and behaviour have been exemplary for their whole lives. So for human-rat hybrid John Bercow to say that their allegations of bullying are simply a result of them and he having different recollections of events—essentially calling them liars—does not hold very much water. Indeed, if Bercow wishes to boil the issue down to simply a matter of his word against theirs, he is fighting a losing battle. Lord Lisvane, for example, served parliament for over forty years, and was never shown to have lied, or raised frivolous complaints, or alleged false things about his colleagues. Yet poisonous dwarf John Bercow wants us to believe that he, Bercow, did nothing wrong, and that Lord Lisvane is basically lying. Sorry John; no dice. No way. That’s not even close to being believable.

That is Bercow’s defence in a nutshell. All of his detractors’ memories are incorrect, he is entirely innocent of any wrongdoing whatsoever, and the investigation into him, as well as its independent review process, is a ‘kangaroo court’. Of course no one believes that. John, no one believes you. John, stop it, get some help.

How ironic that serial liar John Bercow has chosen to respond to accusations of lying with a string of lies. No John, Lord Lisvane’s memories are not mistaken. You are a bully.    

For me, Bercow’s documented and proven history of bullying and lying about his personal conduct are not his greatest transgressions. Being mean or rude or mildly threatening to his colleagues—which evidently never rose to the level of criminally prosecutable crimes—is not all that egregious. I’ve had worse bosses. So he is an obnoxious little turd of a man; big deal. 

The reason why I happen to despise disgraced serial liar John Bercow is the manner and degree to which he abandoned impartiality during Britain’s Brexit process. His most sacred charge was to remain politically impartial, which he signally failed to do. A terrible, terrible dereliction of duty from a Speaker of the House. That he favoured the remainer side of the debate, and that he was unable to keep his bias in check, was one of the most embarrassing and revolting things I have ever seen occur in parliament. In my opinion, he made Britain and parliament look extremely foolish. He constantly did everything in his extensive power to draw out the Brexit process and thwart the government and will of the people at every possible turn. Anyone who followed the extended debacle will know this is true. Of course the slippery rat Bercow always claims that he gave plenty of time and energy to the pro-British Brexiteers, yet, this again is a case of half-truth mixed with mendacious sophistry. Again, anyone who followed the whole affair will know that Bercow acted as a political partisan, culminating in the whole prorogation of parliament horridness. The scenes in the House itself of opposition MPs physically trying to prevent Bercow from leaving the chair made me want to puke. The scenes of opposition MPs standing and chanting in unison “shame on you” as the government benches cleared out, is honestly one of the most shameful and cringeworthy things I’ve ever seen allowed to occur in that place. Bercow allowed our politics to fall into a pitiful shambles. That is unforgivable. That these remainer scumbag traitors lined up to shake Bercow’s hand as they themselves finally filed out speaks volumes.

Bercow was supposed to act as an impartial judge. He was not supposed to argue and get into slanging matches with individual members. His true colours were on display very often indeed. He acted as an arrogant and supercilious partisan over and over again, literally berating members he did not like or agree with. He pushed the rules and procedures to breaking point, and now it is all documented and out in the open, he refuses to take any responsibility. His legacy will forever be stained by his inability to act without bias. He will go down in history as one of the very worst Speakers ever to sit in that illustrious chair. His name will become synonymous with cheating and lying and bullying and being an all-around embarrassment to parliament and Britain. Quite right too.

The fact that the government essentially had to oust him, the fact that he will not be receiving a peerage—poor Bob Lisvane won’t have to share a chamber with him ever again—the fact that he has now been thrown out of the Labour Party, and the fact that his parliamentary estate pass has been revoked for life: all are testament to the fact that he behaved in a truly despicable fashion. It has been hundreds of years since a Speaker was denied a peerage. That poisonous dwarf John Bercow has done a round of interviews attempting to defend his career and reputation is astounding. Either he thinks the general public and most journalists are stupid, deaf, and blind, or he is so deranged that he genuinely believes he did nothing wrong. Whichever the case, the disgraced Bercow now has no choice but to swallow his medicine. No amount of passive-aggressive smiling and apparently polite disagreement with his interviewers can change the past.

That the poisonous dwarf, part rat, part goblin John Bercow has finally been effectively and categorically shamed and outed as a serial liar and a serial bully is a beautiful slice of justice pie. It’s so sweet and delicious. A super succulent justice-burger. It’s like seeing Pelosi thrown in a supermax for insider trading, or AOC stripped of office and deported to Puerto Rico. The actual, real justice is palpable. I fervently hope that this documented disgrace serves as a final nail in the coffin of Bercow’s public career. I passionately hope that this odious little weirdo subversive creep will slink off into obscurity and live out the remainder of his life far away from the public discourse. Frankly, I hope never to see nor hear from him ever again; that would be ideal.